My Story
I grew up in a violent household and felt fear and terror on a daily basis. I was abused physically and mentally by my stepfather.
I was rescued by the state welfare department at age 7, though from 7-13 I was continually returned to them from temporary foster placements.
Each time the violence becoming increasingly worse. At age 13 I was made a state ward. These experiences had a dramatic effect on the way I felt about myself, the choices I’d make later and the way I interacted with the world. I still and will continue psychotherapy in dealing with these residual effects and to help me grow.
I turned to drugs at the age of 19 and used them until age 35. Later in rehabilitation I understood this was self-medicating and a way of coping with repressed emotions and memories. During those years I broke the law in various ways to support a habit or in reaction to my interactions in the world.
I went to prison for hurting someone severely. This is something I deeply regret and will do so for the rest of my days.
In prison I learnt to survive by wit and by skill. I did return to art, and recontacted old friends from the early years.
At the end of the day there are two types of inmate: those who are sorry for getting caught and those who are sorry for what they did. I am sorry for what I did. Now that I am out, I’m focusing on bettering myself continually, being a better person and redeeming myself by leading a productive life and helping others where possible.
I am rebuilding my life, one brick at a time. My past experience has been filled with pain, isolation and dysfunction. Now I am learning to let that go and be a part of the world again. The biggest part of my journey now is in my relationships and changing my old habits, as these cause pain, make walls and don’t work in my life now.
I am a free man and I endeavour to free myself from my past and share life with those who are a part of my new life.
People have said “A leopard can’t change it’s spots”. I respond with “I am not a leopard “. I choose to change.